Underletters #7 – August 2013 – Letter from Bella Jade Black to Bethany Black

Dear Bethany,

I must say I was touched to get your letter following the wedding party incident. As angry as I was, it made me happy to think that you still cared enough to even consider my feelings.

I had begun composing a much happier response, with quite a bit of reminiscing about our past and old stories that made me proud. We were quite a team growing up. However, over the last two weeks this has changed. Everything in your behaviour makes me understand that even if Jasper hadn’t probably threatened you into apologising, even if you did really feel sorry for what had happened, it doesn’t make a shred of difference.

Bethany, love is shown in actions, not words. Your actions tell a very different story from your letter.

You should understand more than anyone that Jasper is not a one woman man. No-one in our family is monogamous, and sex does not make anyone special in our eyes. I would never hold Jasper back any more than he would hold me back. Particularly not if he loved someone, and of course he loves you. He loves us both, in different ways. So this taunting, the cruel jibes, the one-upmanship that you’ve attempted to drag me into has nothing to do with Jasper and everything to do with you and me.

Why do you hate me Bethany Black?

What has made you turn your viciousness on me when I was your only real ally besides Amaranth? When I moved heaven and earth time and time again to get you out of life-threatening danger, made the drug dealers disappear when you owed too much money for your own safety, took you to hospital when you overdosed, and sat with you for days while you detoxed? When I cared about you and kept watch from a distance when you didn’t want family around. When I was always there to listen whatever the problem, and took your side even when you were probably wrong.

Is it because, for once in my life, I followed my heart? Because I accepted Jaspers proposal?

I remember you saw the love we had for each other long before I would accept it, and you encouraged me. Do you even remember how scared I was, that if I gave in to my heart that it would destroy everything? Do you remember telling me that no matter what, I would always be family?

I suppose it doesn’t matter. After our last round of pointless bickering I said I was done, and I am most certainly. Done. You have broken my heart Bethany. Take that as you winning this game you are always playing in life, if that makes you feel special. You stomped on the snowflake that was left of my heart and now you can laugh and cheer and say you won.

But is that enough though Bethany? Do you want it all? Will you try to boot me off my throne as Jasper puts it? This ‘happy life’ that you imagine us having baffles me. Yes, I’m his wife. I love him fiercely with my heart and every other part of me. But I’m also his power of attorney and head of legal & financials with the Black Family business.

Do you want it Bethany? ALL of it? Do you think you can protect him from himself? Do you really want to see Jasper at his worst not just his best? Do you want to get your hands dirty and see where the money comes from? Do you think you can command the respect it takes to keep the wrong people from getting their noses into the family closet? I can tell you we have more skeletons than you can possibly conceive of. The responsibility of being head of this household by Jaspers side is the heaviest weight imaginable, but I do it out of love.

When you and Jasper first slept together (besides the incident in high school you claimed happened), my rage wasn’t because he had slept with another woman. It was because the trauma of his past was suddenly so viscerally connected with his present. It broke him. He had drawn a line in the sand and then stepped over it, and I had hoped he was stronger than that. I was angry that he would create so much hurt for himself. I don’t know if you know this or if you even care about the psychological damage his father did to him. When it happened again, I was angry because of the lying and sneaking around. Surely you understand that if Jasper said he wanted you for a lover because it made him happy I would never have stood in his way. It’s why I don’t stand in his way now.

But I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I doubt you’ll understand me. I doubt very much that you care to. But I am done. You have betrayed me not by some traditional idea of love, sex and cheating. You have betrayed me by hating me. You have betrayed me by not caring at all. By forgetting years of love, support and friendship. Your selfishness knows no bounds and I don’t know if I can ever call you sister again.

To the matter at hand.

I understand you are pregnant with twins, and it’s too late to deal with it in a more effective way. For your own safety and that of the children you will spend the last few months of your pregnancy in a rehabilitation facility. If you don’t go willingly then you will be temporarily committed.

You understand that it is pointless to try and run away. I’m not blind Bethany, I know you’ve been on a steady spiral back into addiction for months. It’ll be a miracle if the babies are not already brain damaged. The children will be put into two separate but safe and loving homes. The kind of environment that we simply cannot provide them with. They deserve a better chance at life than our family could ever offer. No-one in our family, not Betty and Jett, not me, not Jasper, and certainly not Amaranth will know where they are housed. I know the temptation would be too great for one of us to check on them and our family I think, is like an insidious weed sometimes. Our influence would start to take hold in their lives if we were in any way a part of it. I hope you have enough sense to see that.

Understand of course that this has been discussed with Jasper and has his full consent. This is for your own good, but to be honest right now I don’t care. I will simply be glad not to have to see your face for a few months.

Yours with a broken heart, Mrs Bella Jade Black

All characters and story lines remain the property of N.Ristovski and the Underground. All character writings within the Underground are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Copyright © 2013. Natalie Ristovski.

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